How Endo Has Affected Our Goals - Part 2

Read Part 1 here.

Jessica has endometriosis, and Chris is her partner. Together, they find ways to manage the condition and support each other through its challenges. Here, Chris shares his perspective on how endometriosis has affected their goals, with questions asked by Jessica.

How has endometriosis affected my personal goals, your personal goals, and our collective goals?

I think that in a way endometriosis has made you more goal orientated. Having a challenge like this to overcome has made you really focused and strategic when you have something to achieve. I guess this is partly because without a clear, strict path a getting to where you want to be, the endo symptoms like brain fog and fatigue might get the better of you. Your preparedness and discipline seem to go a long way to helping you beat those symptoms when they are at their worst.

It definitely hasn't always been like that though and I know you really struggled before you had these strategies in place, in a way that definitely affected your goals and stopped you from being where you wanted to be in your career.

I don't think endo has affected my personal goals too much, other than the constant thought in the back of my mind that we might always need to be near a good hospital wherever we end up, and that anything physical that I'd like us to do together has to be done at your speed.

Regarding our collective goals, I can't really remember a time before endo was a part of our relationship so I think they've always been able to coexist with your endo. The endo just adds an extra variable that has to be constantly monitored and checked in on.

What ways do you think we’ve managed to overcome those challenges?

As with lost of things like this, communication is probably where we succeed in overcoming those challenges. Endo has become quite a bit part of my life too, as well as your own, so we can communicate easily and clearly about it, and therefore make plans about it.

I also think we can be flexible and adaptable about how we achieve our goals, so when endo throws a curve ball like a severe period, or fatigue that affects an important event, we've always made it past another way.

Where do you think we struggle?

Communication is also where we struggle! And I think for the exact reason that it's the best way to overcome problems, it's very noticeable when we don't communicate. I don't need to tell you this, but for the sake of people reading this, I can be a pretty classic male sometimes - emotionally closed, uncommunicative - and this definitely has an impact on our collective goals. If we don't regularly check in, we don't know if we're both working towards the same goals, and I know that frustrates you.

What tips can you share for couples who want to support each other’s goals and reach their collective goals, but are finding endometriosis challenging?

Make sure you know what your goals are. Both personally and as a couple, make sure you know where you're headed, because when you do it's way easier to find the direction. Don't expect that you can predict each other‘s goals and ambitions, or that your goals will line up exactly. Talk about them at length and come to compromises if you need.

Once you know where you're headed, and you know what you need to do to manage the endo, you will be able to work out how they fit together.