caret icon Back to all discussions


I am currently waiting for my surgery as i started getting endo symptoms after my second c section nearly 3 years ago and it has gradually gotten worse . I have pain during sex with has taken its toll on my relationship but i thought now that we may have a answer as to way its happening my partner might be more understanding but this is not the case . As soon as i feel a flare up is starting and mention this to my partner he sulks and makes me feel bad about it . I dont no what to do to make him understand im not doing it on purpose , i can understand his frustration as its been going on for so long but its just as frustrating for me as it is for him . I feel i have no support from him and makes me feel like im alone in this .

  1. oh dear warrior. So sorry you are dealing with this. I want you to know one thing, you are not alone. I know so many can relate to this, including myself. My partner was not understanding at first. Sex was just too painful and honestly, the desire went away after my endometriosis diagnosis. And I know how stressful that is on a relationship. he too would make me feel guilty and bad about it, for a long time. I found personally, for myself, therapy really helped us talk it out. I know that option isn't available to everyone and not everyone is willing to do it, but it really helped us. Another thing I started doing, was sending him articles from this site. So, he could read other stories and what they were dealing with. He just doesn't understand, and I found it way harder for myself to try to explain to him, so reading more about it helped him understand better. And lastly, one other thing I started doing, once I found a doctor who actually believed me and knew that something was going on, I started making my husband come into every appointment with me. This way he can hear firsthand from the doctor, what is truly going on inside of my body. It's still not perfect, he still makes me feel guilty from time to time, but I find he does understand it a bit better when I am truly having a bad flare up day. And he is also gentler and caring when we do have sex making sure I am okay.

    I know it is a horrible feeling, not thinking your partner is there to support you. It is definitely a frustrating situation for everyone. But I want you to remember it is not your fault. No matter how guilty your partner makes you feel. I truly hope your next surgery helps you find relief. Until then, maybe try sending some articles and stories for your partner to read, and if you are both up for it, therapy truly was a blessing. And if you EVER need to chat, please do not hesitate to reach out. Here for you always. Sending you hugs and good thoughts dear warrior <3 -Kimberli (team member)

    1. Hi . I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this situation. I've been there with each of my partners and it is never easy. I think it can be difficult for our partners to understand, especially when outwardly we might look "fine." But if they could experience the pain we do for even one minute, I think they'd have a lot more compassion. Since that isn't possible, I agree with Kimberli that therapy might be an option, as would sharing articles from this site to help your partner see that it's not just you and many endo warrior experience these kinds of issues.

      I also wonder who else you have in your life that could offer support when he is unable to do so. Do you have any close friends who you'd feel comfortable talking with about this? Any family members? You've already taken a fantastic step being vulnerable here and sharing this with us. We've got you, and I know any one of us would be happy to chat with you in DMs as well. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you as you await surgery. ~Katrina, Advocate

      or create an account to reply.