It’s OK To Not Always Be OK
"It is OK if all you did today was survive."- Unknown
In the world of social media and lives that are portrayed as absolutely perfect, it is so easy to feel inadequate. It is easy to feel like you are failing because your life looks nothing like the people around you or those on social media.
Or even those who are living with the same chronic health conditions. Even though you know you shouldn't, it is human nature to compare yourself with others.
Honestly, you can feel pretty down when you realize that's not your life. But you have to remember that NO life is perfect and that it is 100% OK, not always to be OK.
Comparing yourself to others
Remembering this will never stop the feeling when you finally realize that your life isn’t the same as those around you. A feeling that can’t be explained in words to anyone unless they’ve been in that same place in life.
Eventually, that often develops into a sense of inadequacy when you look around at your family, friend group, coworkers, and the people in your church group and realize that your life looks nothing like theirs. You feel like you must be crazy because your emotions can run the whole gamut in one day.
Or that you are a total failure because your laundry is piled high, you have a sink full of dishes, and you can’t honestly remember the last time you made a meal at home. Thinking that you must be the laziest person because you have to spend so much time in bed because you did something fun for a change.
You went out to dinner and drinks with a friend and now you can’t move. But all that is OK. Sadly, it is just part of living with a chronic illness.
Missing what you will never have
When you are talking to a friend, she is talking about all the traveling she's doing or telling you about all the kids and their activities. On the outside, you smile and nod, while on the inside, you just want to be at home in your jammies eating ice cream.
While you cry about the kids you will never carry— the kids who will never call you mom. The kids you prayed for your entire life who will never be because of your health.
You want to curse the existence of your endometriosis; you want to scream and cry. But instead, you smile and nod like the good friend you are until you get to the car.
You don't have to fight it. All of these feelings are normal. It's OK to have these feelings and OK not to hide them.
Whether you're chronically ill or non-disabled, there will be days when nothing goes right. The days where everything that could have gone wrong does.
Days when a flare pops up with no warning. Or when an unexpected challenge comes out of nowhere.
The days are what you make of them
There will always be times when you are full of worry and stress, with no idea where to turn or what to do, and feel like you have nothing left to give.
When these things happen, it never fails that you are suddenly so full of self-doubt. You start questioning everything.
Sadly, because of how the world is these days, you feel like you have to be so strong, can’t cry, and cannot admit to anyone that you are anything but strong. At that moment, you have to remember that you don’t have to pretend to be OK.
Let's normalize that it is OK, not always to be OK.
Life will always throw you curveballs. There will naturally be ups and downs and lots of twists and turns.
There will be messy houses with sinks full of dishes, barking dogs, piles of laundry, and lawns that need to be mowed. For those who are chronically ill, we have to remember, just like anyone else, that there will be good days and bad, days full of pain and fatigue.
As well as good days with no pain that you forget you are even sick just for a moment. But above all else, please remember that it is always OK not to be OK!
Where has endo been found in your body?