A woman lies down and clutches an empty space where she's wishing her growing womb was.

Timing Out on Peace with Infertility

My battle with endometriosis started when I was 14 years old. Unfortunately, all those years ago, the doctors were very hesitant to diagnose somebody so young with endometriosis. This led to a long period of time before I was able to receive any kind of proper care. My first laparoscopic surgery showed that I already had Stage 4 endometriosis and a lot of scar tissue. Regardless of my treatments, my endometriosis always stayed severe.

Facing infertility

I was not even 18 years old when I was faced with the information that I would likely struggle with infertility. It did not help that infertility due to endometriosis already ran in my family as well. My mother’s cousin had undergone multiple in vitro fertilization rounds and was still unable to conceive. She eventually adopted a girl. I faced the reality of a large possibly of me not being able to have kids. That is a lot of grief to process at such a young age.

Coming to terms with infertility

Accepting the fact that I likely would never be able to have kids of my own was a difficult thing to do. Gradually, over time, the pain that comes with the idea of not having my kids seemed to subside and I went on living my life content with the idea of not having kids. For years, I felt like I had made peace with the fact that I would not be able to have kids of my own. I even married somebody who had no desire to have children.

Love of other’s kids

I truly enjoy children. Even growing up, I took charge of helping to raise the younger cousins because their mom worked so much. To this day, one of them still views me as her mother figure. During my marriage, I temporarily had custody of his nieces. While they were a handful because of their past, I could not have been happier. The connection that I built with those two girls was something I never knew I wanted. I cannot help but hope to have again. It was like my motherly instincts could not have come more naturally.

The future

After everything I have dealt with in my life up to this point, I have somebody in my life now that I can see having children with sometime in the future. He wants to have children himself. Luckily for me, he is very open to the idea of adoption. Not everybody is willing to accept the idea of not having biological children. I consider myself lucky to have somebody who cares enough about me to be accepting of my situation.

I feel as though having the opportunity to be a mother to two little girls affected how I felt about not having children at all. It made me realize that I really wanted children in my life. I no longer feel like I am at peace with the infertility like I was earlier on in my life. But that experience also made me realize that I can easily love a child that is not biologically mine just the same.

If infertility is an issue for you as well, how do you feel about your future? Would you be willing to adopt?

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