a couple standing and holding hands on a path looking out at a landscape that is also a pregnant woman's body

Who Do You Share Your Fertility Journey With?

Trying to get pregnant, especially with a history of endometriosis, is an uncertain road. There are a lot of unknowns and what if’s... the biggest one being "Will it really happen for me?". It’s also a very personal journey that can bring on a range of emotions – fear, anxiety, sadness, and sometimes all of the above.

I'm protecting myself

I feel I’ve done a good job of managing emotions throughout the process, maybe that’s why I find myself to protective of details around my journey. I find myself not wanting to make it a topic of conversation even with those closest to me. I don’t want someone to say something that will place doubt or fear into my mind. I believe everyone is well-intended however, sometimes people say things without fully thinking through how they will be received on the other end. Yet, I also don’t want to go through it alone either.

This is a big deal and a lot of decisions are made along the way. Sometimes I want help thinking them through. So where is the balance between helpful privacy on a personal matter versus not allowing yourself to receive the support of your family and friends during an unsettling time? I’m sure this answer is different for each of us. In fact, it may even be different for the same person just at different points of their journey.

How and when I ask for support

There will be times when we want support and there will be times when we want space to process and just be in a particular moment. So, I guess it comes down to a personal decision and leading our family and friends in understanding where we’re at in that particular moment.

I personally have chosen to share updates when I feel ready and always end the updates with, “We’re doing our best to enjoy the process of getting pregnant and minimize any stress around it, so I’ll be sure to update you if/when there’s news to share.”

I feel like this gives a clear but polite message that I want to be the person that initiates these conversations. I don’t want unsolicited questions or conversations about it. I think that’s appropriate for any personal or health issue.

Setting boundaries

Often times, the more we open the door for a conversation, the more others feel comfortable to open the door for us in the future. So, I do my best to direct my conversations around topics I want to focus on. And if someone brings up a topic that I’m not ready to talk about in that moment, I simply find the shortest possible answer to share and then politely find a way to transition the conversation to another topic.

The bottom line is your business is your business. You don’t owe updates to anyone that you don’t want to share information to in that moment. However, I have to remind myself that my family and friends love and support me, so always assume they are coming from good intentions. Simply guide them and give us all some grace for navigating a delicate journey.

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