Depression and Endo

Editors Note: This article mentions sensitive topics such as miscarriage, infertility, and mental health.

“Depression.” Shhhhhh. Don’t mention the “d” word. 

We don’t want anyone to know about anyone else’s mental health. If it’s not talked about, maybe it will just go away.

It really is not something that should be discussed outside the walls of your house because then it won’t be a thing. Honestly, probably shouldn’t even talk about it in your house with your family, either.

These things are not true, but I still feel like people are living like this.

Overcoming the stigma of depression

Depression, for so many years, felt like such a dirty word. It was something that no one talked about. 

We surely didn’t talk about being in therapy. “Therapy was for the really out-there people!”

Thankfully, that kind of thought seems to be on its way out. We are seeing more information on mental health issues, like depression, in more places.

Also, women, in general, are now more open to talking about having anxiety and depression. They are also more likely to take medication for it and see a therapist.

I feel like it’s so important to be open to discussing your mental health, especially when dealing with conditions such as endometriosis. Basically, because even though we rationally know we did nothing wrong. We automatically blame ourselves. 

Depression, parenthood, and endometriosis

If you get pregnant, despite having endometriosis, and you miscarry, many will blame themselves, which can lead to deep dark depression, a feeling of unworthiness, and feelings of why was I even put here if I can’t do the single job I was out here on earth to do.

I can’t speak directly about how women feel after a failed pregnancy, as I have never been pregnant. But I have seen many friends go through it, so I can say what I saw.

After I was finally diagnosed In 2011 with endometriosis after suffering for almost a decade, it was a relief. Still, I also started to feel worthless in a sense because my highest and most important goal in life was to be a momma.

I wanted to raise my kids and watch them have kids and all the things. I wanted so badly to remake all the awesome childhood good memories I had with my mom, grandma, and great-grandma. Sadly, that’s not in the cards for me.

I’d be a straight-up liar if I told you I had not had some really dark, depressed times regarding the fact that I’ll never be a momma.  Yes, before anyone starts listing off all the ways I can still be a mom, I’m aware, and I do hope to adopt one day.

But most of the ways of having kiddos wouldn’t allow me to carry a baby physically or have one that is genetically mine. Because I refuse wholeheartedly to pass on my genes, knowing all the chronic conditions I could be passing on.

Trust me when I say that I’ve cried out what had to be all my tears on many occasions. On the days I let the negativity and depression win. When I stay in bed thinking about what kind of mom I would have been, call it self-deprecating. Call it what you want. 

But until you’ve been told by multiple different kinds of specialists that “You know it wouldn’t be safe to get pregnant, right!” or  “No baby for you. Much too dangerous.” or “You know you would likely pass all your health problems to the baby if you got pregnant, right?", you don’t get to judge how I spend my time. Sorry, not sorry!

Choosing to stay sad is counterproductive

I learned the hard way many years ago that, for me, just sitting in my depression and sadness was the worst thing I could do. Do I still do that from time to time? You bet your behind I do.

But usually, when I get news or start feeling some kind of way, I give myself two days to sit and wallow in whatever those feelings are. I eat junk food, watch reality TV or read trashy books.

When I wake up on day three, it’s back to business as usual.  If you don’t do something like this for yourself, I highly recommend it.

I also highly recommend having a mental health professional on your team so that you have someone to talk to who is totally neutral. She(he) is paid to listen to you!

Depression is not one size fits all. It impacts everyone, regardless of race, creed, religion, political affiliation, body size, etc. It also comes in its own time frame.

So as you read this and struggle, just remember you aren’t alone. If things get so bad that being unalive seems better and you don’t have a friend or family that could sit with you, or a therapist or a licensed person you can talk to, then please call 988, and they can get you the help you need.