Letting Go of Perfection on My Fertility Journey

I've always considered myself a pretty organized person. As a kid, getting new binders for school was like a little slice of heaven for me. As an adult, I get school-girl excited over a neatly organized kitchen pantry or perfectly arranged closets. Something about it gives me this sense of control and satisfaction. But that love for organization got seriously tested when I entered the fertility scene. Organization and control are nowhere to be found in that world, especially for those of us with endometriosis.

With endo fertility challenges came chaos

As an organized person, I have always thrived on structure and having a clear plan of action. It gives me a sense of comfort and stability. But the fertility journey turned my world upside down. Suddenly, all those things that I held onto so tightly went out the window, leaving me in what felt like a tornado of uncertainty and chaos.

As I continued on my fertility journey, I realized that staying organized wasn't about having this tight grip on control or obsessing over every tiny detail. I was reminded of the Serenity Prayer, which is shared in support groups for countless conditions, most notably Alcoholics Anonymous: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

There is wisdom in this message. There are things that we can control in this world, and things we cannot control. It’s important to recognize the difference.

How redefining control helped

While the fertility journey challenged my love for traditional organization, it also opened the door to embracing a different approach. What I’ve come to understand is that true organization isn't about controlling every aspect but about finding ways to adapt and create a sense of calm within the chaos.

That new approach was tested recently when I learned my medication protocol had changed mid-cycle, and that the color-coded calendars, checklists, and reminders on my phone immediately became irrelevant. All that time and energy was wasted.

I couldn’t help but see how much my obsession with control added to the stress and anxiety I felt. I had to admit that I felt so scared and vulnerable throughout this emotional process, that my desire to create control with spreadsheets and calendars kicked into overdrive and ultimately crashed.

Learning to embrace flexibility on my endometriosis journey

I took a deep breath and made a conscious decision to let go of my need for perfection. I’d love to say that it was that easy. The truth is it’s still a process for me. It’s often humbling and sometimes even painful to let go of my craving for perfection, but I can’t let it consume me like that anymore. I have to embrace the unpredictability of situations and start opening myself up to flexibility.

Through that experience, I learned a valuable lesson about true organization. It's not about having every single detail mapped out flawlessly. It's about being able to adapt and find a sense of calm amidst the unexpected challenges that life throws at us, especially life with endometriosis and fertility treatments.

It's about recognizing that, sometimes, things won't go according to plan, and accepting that it’s okay. Embracing flexibility allows me to navigate the ups and downs of my fertility journey with a newfound sense of peace and acceptance.

Finding calm amid uncertainty

So, to all my fellow endo sisters who are also part of the sisterhood of perfectionists, don't be afraid to loosen your grip on control. Embrace the beautiful messiness of life and the fertility journey. Trust that you have the strength and adaptability to handle whatever comes your way.

Remember, true organization isn't about perfection. It's about finding a sense of calm in the midst of chaos.