Mindful Eating and Appetite Loss: Recovering the Joy of Eating

If I had to describe my current state, I’d say I am, mostly and quite definitely, hungry. Yet, despite my hunger pans, I do not wish to eat much. At this moment, I have a complicated relationship with food. Almost every time I eat, I struggle to digest my food, and end up suffering through hours of stomach cramps. To make matters worse, my irritable-bowel-syndrome-like symptoms are back with a vengeance.

Often, I am completely at a loss as to what to eat. At the supermarket, I will spend ages scanning every aisle for something that I can trust won’t hurt me. If I am at a restaurant, every menu involves choosing the less of several evils, and hoping that whatever I end up eating won't trigger a flare-up.

With such discomfort, often I'd rather not eat.

I have followed an anti-inflammatory diet for years. While it has helped me keep some symptoms at bay, there are periods in my life in which no form of mindful eating results in zero digestive trouble. I even reached out to dietician, but all I got was a leaflet about the low FODMAP diet. I was not offered any other guidance other than, “Don’t eat this, but maybe try eating that?”

I avoid gluten, but many gluten-free alternatives hurt me. I don’t eat meat, yet alternative sources of protein, like beans and other pulses, cause me a world of despair. My chronic fatigue often impairs my ability to cook, and eating anything ready-made means setting myself up for a night of discomfort.

Lately I have noticed that I am less and less enthusiastic about food. My appetite is at an all-time low. Having been in this state of mind before, I know I could end up losing an unhealthy amount of weight and feeling miserable. This time, I am trying to stay ahead of the game:

I am simplifying meals.

I have a tendency to add a world of spices and sauces to make something taste good. Yet now I am forcing myself to buy better fresh produce and keep seasoning to a minimum. Fewer ingredients means fewer opportunities for a flare-up. The more minimalistic a meal, the happier my stomach.

I am sticking to smaller portions.

I also have a tendency to overpack my plate and, most of the time, I will struggle to digest it all. Instead of eating a big, main meal, I eat smaller portions, more times a day. This change in the way I consume food, really helps keep cramps at bay.

I am digging out my old cookbooks.

Since I normally just cook for myself, I have become blasé about this side of my life. I am now forcing myself to broaden my culinary horizons by looking at something that used to give me joy: my collection of recipe books.

Nigella Lawson's books are great for simple meals that keep the number of ingredients to a minimum. Her recipes are easy, quick to make, and can be tweaked to suit most diets.

I am focusing on being kind to myself.

Processed foods are not for me, and that’s okay. While it is hard to deny the convenience of ready-meals, I must eat fewer of them, if not avoid them altogether. However, this does not mean that I am allowed zero treats, like the odd sourdough pizza. Being superstrict about what I eat will cause me nothing but misery, so staying flexible is the kinder option.

I know there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sensitive stomachs. An anti-inflammatory diet that works for a lot of other people, won’t necessarily work for me. I know I need to be more mindful around food and look into finding a nutritionist who actually understand a disease like endometriosis.

Most importantly, I can’t allow temporary feelings of frustration define my emotions around my meals, and prevent me from enjoying my food.