Dealing with pre-loss grief
Hi all,
I was recently diagnosed with endo after seeking a diagnosis for 15 years (I'm 25 now and I started my period when I was 9). I fully understand that everyone's endo story and how they chose to handle it is different. I will have to get a partial hysterectomy and one of my ovaries removed. I have always grown up not wanting children for a multitude of reasons. In addition to that, I've had enough discomfort from my uterus that I've wanted a hysterectomy for awhile but always got the "what if you want children one day?" speech (which is totally valid; I'm not trying to disregard anyone's wants/opinions, it's just not what I've wanted for me). All of that being said, now that I'm about to get what I wanted... I'm depressed. I still don't actually want children, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to deal with the fact that I won't be able to do something so natural to women...
Does anyone have any tips for coping? I'm single and having to make this decision on my own. I know I'll still have one ovary if I change my mind in the future, but the idea of not being able to do things naturally as someone who doesn't wish to be a parent is shocking to me.
Again, I'm not trying to be rude or offend anyone. It's just my personal choice. But I would really appreciate the help if anyone has any tips.
Thanks in advance.
Hi
,
First of all I want to say that you are a warrior. Living through so much discomfort and finally getting a diagnosis is no easy feat. Please know that you are not alone. We hear you and we are here for you. The decision to get a hysterectomy can be overwhelming, whether you want kids or not. Regardless of that desire, you're considering removing a part of your body, a part that is crucial to the societal ideal of what makes you a woman. It's okay to grieve that, even if you don't want to bear children. Be gentle on yourself. It sounds like your mind is battling with a lot of big emotions: the desire for relief from the pain of endometriosis, the grief of losing the possibility of having kids, and the fear that people may judge you, just to name a few. You're allowed to feel all of those, and they can all be true at the same time.
I pulled a few articles from our community page which I hope will give you some peace of mind about your decision. Please keep us posted on your journey. Reach out any time you need support. Sending big hugs.
- Kat (Team Member)
https://endometriosis.net/living/hysterectomy-stories
https://endometriosis.net/living/hysterectomy-sexism
https://endometriosis.net/living/choice-hysterectomy15 years of fighting to be heard… that stays in your body. And even if you never wanted kids, it still hurts when the choice shifts from “I don’t want this” to “I can’t.” I remember feeling a strange grief over something I was sure about, it confused me so much. It’s not about changing your mind, it’s about losing control over the narrative of your own body. Making that call alone at 25 is heavy. It makes sense you feel low about it.
It’s totally okay to feel down about this, even if you’re sure about your choice. It’s a big change, and emotions can be complicated. Take time for yourself, lean on friends or professionals for support, and remember that your choice is valid, no matter what others think. You’re allowed to feel however you feel! 💛
This makes so much sense. Even if you never wanted kids, it’s still a loss of choice and that can hurt in ways you didn’t expect. You can be confident in your decision and still grieve the “what if.” That doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human. After 15 years of fighting for answers, this is a big step. Are you able to talk it through with someone before surgery?
