What Sex Life?

By Ray Li

1 min read

When my husband and I first started dating 10yrs ago, we had 6 months before my health took a dive. During that, we had sex a lot. Then came IBS after my gall bladder surgery followed by other symptoms and diseases rearing their ugly head so sex wasn't really something we could do.

On the extremely rare time I was feeling good enough to try for sex, Endo made that really painful. It slowly got worse, every time my organs wanted to shift up for sex, there would be agony. I spoke with my GYN, who had never heard of anything like I was describing. (She has other Endo patients) She consulted with a Sex specialist doctor and they had never encountered anything like that either.

My husband no longer wanted to try to have sex because he hated knowing it caused me pain. He also started seeing himself more as a caregiver than a husband so he had no sex drive.

We weren't even able to consummate our wedding night. It wasn't until 6 months afterward that we were able to do so and that's only because I had my second Endo surgery (laparoscopic ablation) 3mo after our wedding.

I'm super glad I had that second surgery because, aside from messing with my sex life, I was in agony a lot. I couldn't sit or stand straight, let alone sleep on my back. Endo tissue would tear often causing extreme agony.

My husband and I have decided not to have bio kids for various serious reasons. A month before Covid, he finally decided he was ready to get a vasectomy but ya know, Covid happened. Now he's hoping to get it done before Xmas. Which, should help to restore our sex life a bit. It's been 3yrs since we last had sex.

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Kimberli Davino Member
<inline-mention username="Ray Li" user-id="4178919"/> - I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing this. You don't understand how much reading this has not only helped myself, but I am sure so so many others see that they are not alone. My husband and I had a very rocky sex life once endometriosis started to show its ugly head. And it is so hard and frustrating. After one of my last surgeries and also deciding to get off birth control- my want for having sex started to slowly come back. But didn't last long. You know that scene on the Notebook- where Noah and Allie are old and dancing and she remembers him then quickly forgets? That's how I describe our sex life. We don't know when that feeling will come back so we try to enjoy as much as we can in that small time frame. It's sad so many couples and women have to deal with this. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this part of your story and journey with us. And that we are glad your lap did help you a bit too. Was your hubby able to get his surgery? Sending both you and him all the good thoughts we possibly can <3 Here anytime you need. -Kimberli (team member)
1. Ray Li Member
 <inline-mention username="Kimberli Davino" user-id="2055071"/> First of all, totally got verklempt thinking about that scene in the Notebook. That movie makes me ball my brains out, I use it when I need a good cry. Secondly, thank you so much for your comment. I am so happy to hear that it has helped you, mission accomplished. It's crazy how many different medications effect our libido and that's the last thing we need when we have Endo. It's already a struggle to feel sexy and then add pain into the picture and things become super complicated. I hope you can get your sex drive back. (Lol just made me think of the movie title "How Stella got her groove back&quot😉 His surgery had to be rescheduled because his work wouldn't give him the time off even though they knew it was for a surgery. He didn't say what surgery. Now it's near the end of January. <img src="/content/images/2022/01/06/bee26934557edfa7da5a62b676d190b5_medium.gif" alt="SNL skit" class="uploaded-image"/>
2. Kimberli Davino Member
 <inline-mention username="Ray Li" user-id="4178919"/> Same! That is always my go-to/I need to cry movie. It truly is amazing to have this community. If I can be thankful for one thing endometriosis has given me, it would be this love and connection with everyone. And just being able to hear and witness other strong warrior stories like yours. LOL. I love that movie! Thank you for the giggle. But I sure hope I can too! Oh, how frustrating is that? I know I don't make the rules, but I think anything medical related should obviously be approved right away by places of employment. That is just ridiculous. Hoping he was able to get his surgery at the end of January and it wasn't pushed any further. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you both and sending so much love <3 -Kimberli (team member)
alexN0076 Member
Thanks for sharing. I also have issues with libido and sex with my partner. My partner already has some sensitivities with how I feel about him sexually and with trust so it makes it harder for him to be understanding of my situation. I am very much attracted to him and want to show him but it’s hard when I struggle so often physically and emotionally. My antidepressants and my IUD don’t help at all with my libido either. It can be so frustrating but at least it’s good to know that you have support and that there are many other ways to enjoy life and your partner. Good luck and let me know if there’s anything that helps that you’d like to share. 
1. Ray Li Member
 <inline-mention username="alexN0076" user-id="4167491"/> Thank you so much for your comment. It really does suck when our libido is impacted by a couple different things. I wish all the best to you and your partner. As for anything that can help, I don't know if medical marijuana (M.M) is legal where you live, but there are M.M suppositories you could try. Some places may even have a M.M lube. There are some sex positions that may be less painful than others. <a href='https://hermanwallace.com/blog/the-many-reasons-to-discuss-sex-with-patients' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://hermanwallace.com/blog/the-many-reasons-to-discuss-sex-with-patients</a>