Still Alive to Try to Smile

Last updated: November 2021

I was found on the floor 2 weeks ago by my boyfriend after he got off work. He didn't know how long I was down there, and I was still out of it so I didn't either. So he called the ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital. I had just started my cycle and my cramps the whole week before (pre-cramps) were worse than they've ever been but I had a job interview that day and had to go to work tomorrow. So shaking it/playing it off was a must! That's why the last thing I remember was doing my hair in the bathroom before waking up in the hospital. I was there for 3 days and don't remember anything, but the stories just keep coming of how I wouldn't stay still, violent with the nurses, snatching my IV out etc. I've never felt so bad, bruised, and misunderstood. Lost my job immediately after returning from the hospital anyway. Therefore no money and that weight goes to my boyfriend again. Jobs don't want to deal with me or my kind anyway, so we have to try harder from day 1 while attempting to not seem as if we're not experiencing the worse stomach cramps, back pain, nausea, extreme fatigue and more. I write this with tears in my eyes because this is the 1st time I've felt so much hopelessness at once in these past 2 weeks. I thought of trying a go-fund me to ask for help, but when it's something you've never done regardless of the fact that you've always needed it, where do you start? I pray for my endo-sisters everyday because it's so hard sometimes to still want to stay alive, push through and try to smile.My peaceful place

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