Living in Pain Isn’t Living…

Pandemic, divorce, anxiety, npd survivor, depression, and last but definitely not least endo. I was entering my mid-thirties and all of a sudden I felt hypochondriac. My mind and body were hijacked. I no longer felt myself.

Where it all began

I began my endo story at the age of 11, my periods were heavy, painful, I dreaded going to school in fear I would stain myself. I thought to myself this is part of it and just did my best throughout the years with pain meds, teas, heating pads, you name it. After getting pregnant, I started with sciatic pain, then with my c-section things just took a turn for the worse.

My symptoms hit like an avalanche

I had constant low back pain, pelvic and hip pain, leg and foot numbing, recurring UTI, painful bowels/IBS, heavy bleeding, painful intercourse, fatigue etc. Now I am 35yrs old, and I found I need to purchase a walker to take my 11yr old daughter to Disneyland. I looked online for the best-looking one due to fear of being judged. I found the trendiest looking one and decided to hit the buy button. I knew that not purchasing it meant I would end up limping after our trip. I had to remind myself that it was worth it to not feel the pain after.

What I am experiencing is real and valid

Now my life is constant planning and even purchasing depend underwear for heavy bleeding. After seeing so many doctors primary, obgyn, gastro, nephrologist, spine/nerve, acupuncturist, etc., I find myself constantly advocating for my health seeking answers. Reminding myself that I’m not crazy. My symptoms/feelings and impact from endo on my life are valid.

Chronic pain has become a way of life

I have so many more stories like the Disney one but the truth is that I have become desensitized to the pain. I had to get morphine at the ER to see what it is to feel no pain. Chronic pain just becomes a way of life, and as you are told just drink Tylenol you begin questioning yourself, am I exaggerating is this even real? I had to seek a support group and I am new to this forum because I know its real and all of you out there are living this with me. Living in pain isn’t living, but pain reminds us we are alive and I am hopeful that things will get better. It's not easy advocating for oneself, but it's the only way. Stay strong y’all!!!

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