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Living in Pain Isn’t Living…

Pandemic, divorce, anxiety, npd survivor, depression, and last but definitely not least endo. I was entering my mid-thirties and all of a sudden I felt hypochondriac. My mind and body were hijacked. I no longer felt myself.

Where it all began

I began my endo story at the age of 11, my periods were heavy, painful, I dreaded going to school in fear I would stain myself. I thought to myself this is part of it and just did my best throughout the years with pain meds, teas, heating pads, you name it. After getting pregnant, I started with sciatic pain, then with my c-section things just took a turn for the worse.

My symptoms hit like an avalanche

I had constant low back pain, pelvic and hip pain, leg and foot numbing, recurring UTI, painful bowels/IBS, heavy bleeding, painful intercourse, fatigue etc. Now I am 35yrs old, and I found I need to purchase a walker to take my 11yr old daughter to Disneyland. I looked online for the best-looking one due to fear of being judged. I found the trendiest looking one and decided to hit the buy button. I knew that not purchasing it meant I would end up limping after our trip. I had to remind myself that it was worth it to not feel the pain after.

What I am experiencing is real and valid

Now my life is constant planning and even purchasing depend underwear for heavy bleeding. After seeing so many doctors primary, obgyn, gastro, nephrologist, spine/nerve, acupuncturist, etc., I find myself constantly advocating for my health seeking answers. Reminding myself that I’m not crazy. My symptoms/feelings and impact from endo on my life are valid.

Chronic pain has become a way of life

I have so many more stories like the Disney one but the truth is that I have become desensitized to the pain. I had to get morphine at the ER to see what it is to feel no pain. Chronic pain just becomes a way of life, and as you are told just drink Tylenol you begin questioning yourself, am I exaggerating is this even real? I had to seek a support group and I am new to this forum because I know its real and all of you out there are living this with me. Living in pain isn’t living, but pain reminds us we are alive and I am hopeful that things will get better. It's not easy advocating for oneself, but it's the only way. Stay strong y’all!!!

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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