So, it happened. The day I had been patiently hoping would happen for years... My boyfriend (now husband) proposed! So many women wait and hope for this moment, with the anticipation of the guest list, finding the most perfect dress, bridesmaid dresses, who will stand beside her as her maid (matron) of honor and bridal party, finding the perfect and most delicious cake, picking the perfect menu, center pieces, color theme, flowers, wedding venue, planning the ceremony, band, etc., etc.
Oh, but not me.
A different kind of anticipation
After he proposed, one of my very first thoughts was, "What is going to happen if my endometriosis flares up and I have that horrible stabbing, twisting pain on a day where I spend the majority of it on my feet?". What is going to happen if I am standing in front of my soon-to-be husband, forcing a smile on my face, while I am screaming inside with agony just wishing the ceremony would hurry up and be over? What if my makeup is dripping off my face because the pain is causing my usual sweaty outbreak that is so uncomfortable and uncontrollable? Am I going to enjoy my first dance with my husband, or my father-daughter dance? Will I even spend any time dancing at my reception, or will I be longing to sit down and get off my feet?
Are these thoughts that a soon to be bride should be having? I don't know the answer to that question, because this is the only life I've known. The thought of the pain I may feel has always been the first thought that comes to mind when planning or preparing for anything in my life.
Not just pre-wedding jitters
I had my first surgery in June of 2012, which was the first time I was officially diagnosed with endometriosis. In December of 2012, I got engaged. We decided to set our wedding date for June of 2014. After my first surgery, I felt a bit of relief. The pain wasn't as crippling or frequent as I had dealt with for so many years, so I felt like I was on cloud 9! Unfortunately, this pain relief was short-lived. Within 6 months, it was starting to return to its usual and miserable self. That's when the wedding stress really started to sink in. There was no way I could risk endometriosis ruining my wedding day.
Getting wedding-ready... with surgery
I scheduled another appointment with my doctor and explained my situation. Luckily, he was understanding, and agreed to perform another surgery closer to my wedding day. I scheduled it as close as possible without risking any recovery complications affecting my wedding. I am so grateful to say that the surgery did buy me time. It bought me time to exchange my vows with only the love I have for my husband on my mind. It bought me time to eat, drink, and laugh with my family and friends. It bought me time to spend my entire wedding day with a true, genuine smile on my face without the thought of pain, sweat, or discomfort that this wretched disease has plagued in the past.
Thanks to my surgeon and my wedding surgery, I danced the night away!
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