Finding Pleasure When Orgasms Hurt

If you have endometriosis, penetrative sex may feel uncomfortable. Many people living with endometriosis explore different forms of intimacy, like cunnilingus or masturbation. But what can you do when orgasms become more painful than pleasurable? Orgasms can be confusing because each person experiences an orgasm differently.

The magic of an orgasm

For some, orgasms can provide pain relief. During an orgasm, your body releases oxytocin and dopamine. Both of these hormones can promote contentment and reduce the sensation of pain. During an orgasm, your muscles tense and contract. After you climax, you might feel like your body is relaxed.

Because of these orgasm benefits, some patients who struggle with chronic pain incorporate orgasms into their pain management routine. "Doctors had previously prescribed everything from high-strength opiates to anti-inflammatories and lidocaine injections," Hannah Shewan Stevens writes in a personal essay for Metro.

Stevens has fibromyalgia, a chronic condition that can cause severe muscle pain and fatigue. Stevens says, "The medications made the pain more manageable, but they also caused fatigue, nausea, and loss of concentration, which made living with the condition even more difficult. Then, 3 years ago, I was having sex with my then-partner when an explosive orgasm washed away the pain with a tidal wave of euphoria."

While orgasms can help some people cope with everyday pain, orgasms may also cause endometriosis flares. This unpleasant side-effect can leave you feeling frustrated and crampy after you orgasm.

Why orgasms can hurt

Orgasms may boost "feel good" chemicals. But you are not alone if your orgasms don't always feel good.

Some people struggle with postorgasmic illness syndrome (POIS). People with POIS might experience temporary psychological or physical discomfort after they orgasm. These symptoms can include flu-like feelings – body aches, fever, and headaches.

Anyone of any biological sex can struggle with POIS, and POIS is not limited to people living with endometriosis. For POIS patients, orgasms themselves are painful, not just sexual actions like penetration. Muscle contractions can irritate scar tissue or cysts in your abdomen.

If you have painful orgasms, you are not alone. After masturbating, I sometimes feel nauseated and bloated. I tend to feel more discomfort when I have intense orgasms or when I'm recovering from a cyst. As my endometriosis has progressed over time, my body's pleasure has begun to betray me. Fortunately, I have found ways to balance my sexual needs with my endometriosis pain.

Balancing pleasure and pain

I wondered how I could enjoy arousal without having post-orgasm cramps. I have several erogenous zones, and I want to feel the benefits of pleasure without a painful climax.

Some health researchers argue that the "Big O" has the most significant pain relief power. People who have vaginas may not feel pain relief from sexual arousal alone. In other words, an orgasm is more likely to reduce a person's pain than foreplay or other sexual activities that don't result in climax.

But even if you don't orgasm, physical pleasure can still be an essential part of your self-expression. The World Association for Sexual Health has declared, "Access to sources of sexual pleasure is part of human experience and subjective well-being... Sexual pleasure is a fundamental part of sexual rights as a matter of human rights."

I cannot wholly avoid endometriosis pain, yet discomfort doesn't have to be the only sensation I feel.

Sexual pleasure takes many forms

For me, sexual pleasure has helped me feel more confident in my own disabled body. Over time, disabled and chronically ill people have been infantilized or have had their sexual needs disregarded. For example, disabled students are often excluded from school sex education classes. Very few disabled people appear in romantic comedies, dating shows, or other media sources.

Some people may assume that disabled or chronically ill folks don't want or need physical pleasure. But as I became more comfortable with my sexuality, I learned how to communicate my needs to my partners better. This self-advocacy also helped me be more confident in advocating for my bodily needs outside my bedroom.

I felt empowered to ask for endometriosis accommodations that could make me more comfortable at my workplace. Why? When I recognized that pleasure is an integral part of my life, I realized that I deserve to feel good or less uncomfortable in my everyday life.

Even if orgasms tend to release more dopamine and oxytocin, these touches may help you strike that balance between pleasure and pain:

• Caresses
• Nipple play
• Erogenous petting
• Hand-holding
• Mutual masturbation
• Kissing
• Grinding or frotting
• Massages
• Dirty talk
• Hugs

Some people, like asexual folks, may not want to orgasm or engage in sexual intimacy. However, if sex is an integral part of your life, you don't have to sacrifice your pleasure for your endometriosis.