Why I Think My Endometriosis Is Back
It has been a year and 8 months since my first laparoscopic surgery, something I had to fight so hard to get done. Up until surgery day, doctors were convinced I was imagining all of my symptoms. As if the thought of having endometriosis was as crazy as a pig driving a car. The truth, endometriosis runs in my family. Yet, doctors told me there was still no possible way I too had it. It broke my heart knowing that no one believed me or could help me. The thought of suffering for the rest of my life scared me. I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and schedule a surgery. I had found one of the top-notch endometriosis specialists in Atlanta.
Unfortunately, the cost of what I would owe led me to have to cancel, which then led me to another top-notch hospital, but not with a specialist. My doctor informed me he could perform surgery, but there were certain areas he couldn't touch. As desperate as I was, I took my chances. And this is where I went wrong - one year and 8 months ago. Grateful as I was able to receive a proper diagnosis during surgery, I still wonder what my life would be like if it had been done by a specialist. I would probably not be sitting here getting ready to tell you why I think my endometriosis is back. At least maybe not so soon.
That dreaded bloat is back and back with vengeance. A few months before my surgery, I remember gaining so much unexplained weight. No matter what I wore, ate, or how much I worked out, I was uncomfortable. After surgery, that feeling had disappeared along with that extra weight. Within the past few months, that feeling of hating being inside my own skin has returned. I constantly claw at my face, wishing my bloated cheeks would thin back out. My stomach has permanently formed into what now looks like a bowling ball. No matter what I wear, I feel as though I am carrying twins. That discomfort I feel every day is a constant battle.
You know sad movies where someone loses their pet or there is such a romantic scene and all you can do is sob? The moment I knew I had to receive surgery was when every single day, I sobbed like I was watching a movie like that. Full blown tears and sadness would sweep over me. After surgery, because I was feeling better those emotions left. I no longer felt sorry for myself. The little bit of sadness I had left was due to stress and other life issues.
But I no longer would cry over eating the last cookie or because I ran out of conditioner right when I was about to wash my hair. Lately, those tears are back. I truly am in a happier place than I was a year ago. I have a job, husband, and family & friends that I love... but that sadness, that sadness that something still isn’t right, is back. My tears fall easily again and my moods are constantly up and down - a sign of how I felt before my surgery.
Painful bowel movements
This topic always feels like it's TMI for many people. For me, it used to be such an embarrassing one, but given the number of gastric procedures I've had done and how many doctors I have had to talk about my bowel movements to, it has become one of the easiest things to share. Unfortunately, before surgery, the pain before a bowel movement would bring me to tears. I would drop down to my knees or curl up into a ball the best I could on the toilet. That pain subsided for months after surgery. It has recently started showing its ugly face again, reminding me endo is still there.
It baffles me that at 30 years old, simple tasks tire me. The amount of fatigue I experienced before surgery made me believe I was aging a lot quicker than I thought. Was I actually turning 80, not 30? Walking up and down the stairs, to and from the grocery store, or bending over to pick something up caused me fatigue. That draining feeling left me for a while after surgery but within a few months returned. No matter how much sleep I get, I am tired. No matter how much exercise I try to get, my heart palpitations are insane and I am constantly out of breath.
All though any of these symptoms can be signs of other underlying causes, I know deep within my heart that my endometriosis is back. I tried to stay away from needing another surgery for as long as I could, but I will be scheduling one soon.
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