Supporting Your Partner When Endometriosis Is Bringing Them Down

Endometriosis is a very physical condition, causing severe pain and heavy bleeding, prolonged cramping, and even infertility. But the symptoms don't stop there - they run over into a patient's mental health and increase the chances of that person having anxiety and depression. This in turn can have a cyclical relationship with other symptoms, with anxiety, depression and stress amplifying the severity of the pain. The increased pain can lead to cancelled plans and withdrawal from social situations, which leads to further anxiety and depression from feelings of isolation and guilt. Add to that the lack of a cure and an often under-resourced, unaware medical community, and it makes for a bleak outlook for the patient.

How to help

As the partner of someone with endo, we are the first line of defense for the endo patient's mental health, and the first hand to offer help when it's needed. But supporting someone with depression and anxiety isn't always an easy task. Sometimes you will know exactly what to say, other times you will be of no help at all. Sometimes you are able to build the person up with love and confidence, other times you just need to be there.

Be a good listener to your loved one. Listen to what they have to say, without judgement. Listening is not as easy as it sounds, and to be a good listener takes practice. Make sure you are hearing what they are saying, and keep track of your own thoughts to make sure they aren't wandering off somewhere else. If your partner finds talking difficult, try using different forms of communication. Text messages or social media platforms can be a great way to discuss vulnerabilities and difficult issues without having to sit face-to-face. Let them know that you are there for them anytime they want - but if that's what you say, make sure you are! If you feel you aren't able to offer your partner the support they need, encourage them to seek help from a doctor or counsellor.

Offer your support with everyday tasks like housework or grocery shopping - or even better, do them together. Depression can makes these things seem overwhelming and they can build up into a crippling pile of anxiety. Share the load with them, and maybe you can momentarily take their mind off things while you shop for cling film together.

Educate yourself

Educate yourself about depression. I'm a big advocate for educating yourself about endometriosis, and arming yourself with the knowledge to support your partner is hugely beneficial. The same goes for depression. Depression is a mental health issue, there is scientific literature on it, studies, lots of research, and understanding. It may also be helpful to remind your loved one of this, they may want to do their own research, and be reminded that they are not alone.

If you feel your partner might be suicidal, don't hesitate to get support. In the UK you can call Samaritans, a charity dedicated to supporting people who are feeling at their lowest. In the US, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There are equivalent charities in all countries around the world.

Finally, look after yourself. Supporting someone with depression can be difficult, and the urge to be selfless and always put them first may be strong, but you are no good to them burnt out and resentful. You can pour from and empty cup, and the best thing you can do to support someone with depression is help them to fill theirs.