New Year's Resolutions

Every single New Year's, I tell myself I will eat healthy and exercise more...Because that is what people do come January 1st, right? Gym memberships sky rocket and athletic stores are more packed than normal. Don't get me wrong, these are not bad goals to have. But for me, personally, they aren't the goals I want to have. And they're not really the goals my chronic-illness-self needs.

To be honest, 99% of the time, I never follow through on a New Year's resolution. I never really understood the point, until I was diagnosed with endometriosis. My diagnosis in 2017 required me to make changes, but my changes are different than most people. Having endometriosis, I am already on a special diet and have to workout regularly. So what can I promise myself that I will change, when the clock strikes midnight? Can I even promise myself, anything when there is no promise or guarantee my health will cooperate?

For me, 2018 was a really great year. However, my focus on my physical health still out weighed any focus on my mental and emotional wellbeing. I struggle to accept myself for who I am and struggle sticking with things that make me happy. For fear others will judge me.

So, as someone with a chronic illness, here is how I plan to start the New Year:

Love myself

Having endometriosis has caused me to feel unhappy with my body and the way I look. It is hard to love who you are when you look in the mirror and can only see a monster looking back at you. But, I am so much more than this monster, and it is time to start seeing how beautiful I am, inside and out.

Stop with expectations

I drove myself crazy this year trying to impress not only myself, but also everyone around me. I am not exactly where I want to be in life, but I have had so many accomplishments and achievements this year. Big or small, it is time to start celebrating every single one of my victories.

Positivity

I think I am just a negative person by nature. I always tend to see the worst possible outcome in things and it adds a lot of stress. Not only on myself, but those in my life. I am ready to start embracing all the good in my life and flush the negative thoughts down the drain!

Learn to relax

To be honest, this is probably the hardest thing to change about myself. I don't think I am equipped with a relax button. Good days and sick days, I find it hard to stop and take a breather. I worry taking breaks will make me seem lazy and incapable. But, I am NOT lazy and I am certainly NOT incapable. So, it's time to learn to relax and take breaks without waves of guilt clouding over me.

Stop worrying what others think

Are my social media posts not good enough? Do I not post enough? Do I post too much? I wonder if people think I am talking about my illness just for attention? These are constant questions that I play over and over in my head. And to be honest, as I sit here typing this I am looking at these questions thinking, how is this what has become the most important thing in my life? Why should I care about any of that? As the New Year begins, I am going to spend less time caring what others think and more time turning into the person I want to become.

No more comparing

It is hard not to compare yourself to others who are sick. But, it is something I do daily. Good days versus bad days is different for everyone, and I need to understand that. I may have better days than someone else, and there may be sometimes I have worse days than someone. But no matter what, I have endometriosis, and regardless of what kind of day it is, does not make my suffering any less than others.

2018 has taught me so much about myself and my illness. I have grown in more ways than I could ever imagine and proud of the person I am becoming. My goals and dreams I have for 2019 both excite me and scare me. But if I have learned anything from having endometriosis, it is that I am strong and a fighter, and I certainly can do whatever I set my mind to. I hope you can see the same in yourself as you start this New Year!