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A Personal Story of Infertility - Part One

Before I go any further, I think it’s important to mention first and foremost, that I have a child. Technically, that means I’m not infertile. But I’d like for you to listen to my story anyway.

I am unable to have children naturally.

Our son was conceived via IVF.

We got one single chance at being parents.


I always knew having a child would be a challenge. But having a child via assisted conception was never something I expected to go through.

Our journey was somewhat simple in comparison to others. Beyond the years of worrying about what would happen when we tried for a baby, the process passed by pretty easily. Emotionally, the pain, isolation, and loss still weighs heavy on my shoulders. I wonder still if that will ever pass.

I was nervous but also really excited when we eventually decided to start trying. I didn’t want children when I was younger, but I had yearned for them after I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I remember all the nights I cried myself to sleep. The hours I spent huddled in a tight ball of tears and pain. We planned to have a baby and then start trying for another as soon as we could. We kind of had the attitude of get it all out the way, have a hysterectomy, and then all my troubles will be gone.

A dose of reality

By the time that first period arrived, I knew that we couldn’t have a child. I felt empty. I looked at the blood on the tissue and my heart sunk. But, I still held hope for the next month. And the next. Time and time again, the ache of my periods imminent arrival was a stark reminder of another month lost.

I did everything I was supposed to do. I took supplements, maintained a healthy weight, wrote lists that I could pin up on the wall to make me focus on what the goal was. I kept my legs propped up in the air after sex. I went through another surgery to make sure everything was clear and prepped ready inside me to home a baby. I talked about my feelings. I let them out. I cried them out. But, it didn’t work.

My doctor at the time chuckled at me when I spoke to him about it. “It’s only been a year, Shireen! Just relax and keep trying!”. Relax. A word we hear so often when trying to conceive.

I felt so lost. I spoke with counsellors, doctors, nurses, friends, family and other people trying to conceive online. But no one really knew how it felt. No one knew how I felt.

Over the months and eventually, years, I lost myself. A cloud of depression set in and I couldn’t find my way out.

We were referred on to a sub-fertility clinic, then a fertility clinic. I saw a counsellor regularly. We prepared ourselves for the one round of IVF we had been granted.

Part 2 to follow

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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