When Your Friend Is Pregnant… Again!

My friends often call me first with good news. Engagements. Pregnancies. First homes. I didn’t realize this until one of my friends said that I’m the one that gets most excited with them when they have good news to celebrate.

I credit it to the family that I grew up in. We always celebrated with one another – even the little things. Our celebrations weren’t elaborate or expensive. Often times it was just being fully present in the moment with someone when they have good news. We celebrated like it was our own good news.

Pregnancy announcements when facing infertility

So, what happens when your friend’s good news is the one thing you desperately want in your life, but it “just hasn’t happened yet.” And for her, it just fell into her lap. You’ve prayed and given every ounce of energy to achieve yourself, yet in this moment you have to celebrate her good news. How do you show up when you hear her say, “It just happened. I’m pregnant again!” How can you be fully present in that moment?

Going through fertility treatments

Going through fertility treatments for months is intense. (Props to all the women who are doing it for years. You are straight up warriors!) Then your friend calls to say, “I can’t believe it. I’m pregnant! We weren’t even trying. It just happened.” I quickly put on my game face and don’t dare make it about me in that moment. Of course, I’m crushed inside, but this is not about me.

Every baby deserves a celebration, and it’s my job to celebrate the announcement of this baby in this moment. But I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge the heartbreak. How is it so easy for some people to get pregnant? It’s like they look at their husband and they get pregnant. Yet others go through so much to conceive. It’s an answer that we’ll never know.

Resetting my mindset

I mean, certainly, we know the facts around fertility with endometriosis, and after the age of 40. But beyond the science, there’s an element of life that can’t be described. More importantly, I remember that just because my friend is unexpectedly pregnant with her third child means absolutely nothing to my ability or timing to conceive.

Of course, we know this intellectually, but in the moment, it’s hard not to get stuck in the, “When will it be my turn?” or “Will it ever happen for me?” thoughts. It’s okay to have them. We just can’t get stuck in them.

Give yourself time to process

Give yourself the time and space you need to feel the emotions, but remember that your belief in your ability to get pregnant is an important factor in the process. I continue to reflect on the Body Belief book I read by Aimee Raupp; It’s important to stay optimistic throughout the process that you will be guided and lead to the way motherhood will look in your unique life. It may be an emotional rollercoaster to get there, but it will be worth it. You will have good news someday and you’ll want all of your friends to pick up the phone and be equally excited for you.