What I Do When I Feel So Angry With My Body and Illness

By Kimberli Davino

4 min read

"I hate my body and this chronic illness life, and I will never get better," I say to myself as I look in the mirror. A line I have repeated way more than I could ever imagine.

As the years of living with this illness go on, I find myself angrier about it rather than accepting it. Maybe it's because my symptoms feel worse, or I get frustrated watching those who don't deal with it. Or perhaps it's because I still have yet to find a good doctor to help me.

Asking myself why can't I be normal?

Sometimes I feel betrayed that my body has done this to me, and I wonder if I am being punished for something I must have done at some point in my life.

Some days, these feelings hit harder than others, but they are always there. It is scary and exhausting, feeling like you have no control over your body and what's happening inside.

So when those exhausting, dark days creep up, I have to do whatever I can from spiraling too deep.

Talk it out with someone

On those days, I am just so overwhelmed with this illness, my body, and my symptoms. Talking with one of my best friends, who happens to be dealing with this as well, always helps me.

Sometimes you need a good vent session, whether with a caring and understanding family member, friend, or licensed professional, even if it doesn't fix what's happening.

I have often found that my friend helps me see things from a different perspective, which helps me feel less angry.

Take a social media hiatus

Social media certainly has the power to trigger things inside of you, especially when you are in not-so-good head space. Sometimes, I must stop the scroll when I am angry about my endometriosis and sign out.

Because if I don't, I spend the day comparing my life to others. Maybe someone is eating something I once was able to eat.

Perhaps someone got a new pair of jeans and looks fantastic in them, but my body is so bloated I picture how horrible I would look.

I don't want to see certain things when feeling down, so not looking at my phone or any social media outlet is the best thing.

Journaling is helpful for managing thoughts

Writing has been my outlet ever since I could remember, and it's where I express myself the best.

So when I look in the mirror telling myself I hate my body and this disease, I write. I write what I hate, what I feel that day, and why I think I feel that way.

Then, I make a list of the good things. Because even if I don't believe it, there are many good things about me, my body, and my life, and I need to remember that!

Having a fun photoshoot

Taking pictures is the last thing you would think I would feel like doing when I am angry at my body. There is something fun and exciting about putting on a little lipstick, doing my hair, and striking some poses.

It was a good distraction, even if I disliked how the pictures came out. Want to make it even more fun? Hire a professional photographer and do a shoot somewhere fun or even in your home.

Setting a self-care routine

We all know how vital practicing self-care is, whether you have a chronic illness or not. But it's nice to have a standard for those days you struggle with loving yourself.

For me, a CBD Honey face mask, 90's music, Netflix binge, a good book, and meditation or yoga help me the most.

Laughing when you can

We can ultimately drive ourselves to the ground if we don't just laugh about it. I know having endometriosis is no laughing matter.

Sometimes, the symptoms are so severe that it's genuinely not funny. Some days, I need to laugh. So I whip out my poop jokes or whatever joke fits with how I am feeling and the symptoms I am feeling that day.

That anger I feel towards my body and endometriosis creeps up more than I would like. Doing these few things sure does help me get through those moments.

I try to fill my mind with nurturing thoughts of myself and shift my mindset from "I am broken and need to be fixed" to "I am me, and I am perfect as I am."

On those days, I could not see the light. I give myself grace, let myself feel the feelings I need, remind myself this illness is not my fault and keep on going when I am ready.

Dear warrior, I hope you know, that this illness is not your fault. Be gentle with your mind, your body, and yourself.

What are some things that help you when you are feeling angry about your illness?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The Endometriosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Jagori Member
So true and you have put your thoughts so nicely.There are days when am angry with myself and that makes me cry.I curse myself those days.But then I try to motivate myself once the wave has passed.Unfortunately I don’t have any friend with whom I can share my feelings and who will understand what am going through.Sharing with family members is the worst as they tend to worry and offer all sorts of advise.Also it makes me anxious and miserable thinking am becoming a burden. It’s very tough.I try to look at the brighter side of things,am alive and still can do so many things even sitting at home, I can read,can paint.Some days when am feeling up to it, I try to put on some make up but then I also feel sad seeing my face in mirror when I notice my face pale and my hair has thinned.I try to indulge in some cheat food which nowadays I have 
1. Kimberli Davino Member
 <inline-mention username="Jagori" user-id="4190488"/> thank you so much for your encouraging words, I truly appreciate them and you. I certainly do have to let go of those anxious thoughts. I find that to be such a hard thing to do, though. I do love this community and all the amazing humans in it. And you have me crying happy tears. Your comment has absolutely uplifted me. You are such a lovely soul as well. Never ever forget that. I LOVE your attitude about how this illness has maybe taken some things away, but also has given you new things. I feel this exact same way as well. I definitely find myself to be more caring towards others and before judging, I stop to think about what they could be going through. You just never know what someone is dealing with. Also, this illness has given me a whole new world of amazing friends. Including you dear warrior. We will not give up. We will keep on fighting. And we will do it together. Hope you are having a great start to your week <3 -Kimberli (team member)
2. Jagori Member
 <inline-mention username="Kimberli Davino" user-id="2055071"/> am so happy to get your message and to know you are trying your best.I cannot say am having a great start to my week though😀 I think anxiety is connected to mind and health, I notice whenever am not feeling great with my body ,anxiety creeps in.Like today here the weather is blustery plus I have a pain in stomach and I have been anxious and negative since morning.But, your message was just in time to cheer me up..😀 Sometimes I think it’s okay to feel anxious and to go with the flow instead of fighting it.Wishing you a great week and take care.
Amanda Workman Member
I have two friends who have miscellaneous illnesses and issues. We call ourselves the Broken Body Group/Girls. It is an inside joke for the most part, but it does make us laugh. I would suggest looking into the mirror and telling yourself some positive affirmations. I know that it may seem silly. But it can have a great impact on your self-esteem. Our self-esteem is how we think, feel, and believe about ourselves. Meanwhile, our self-worth is about recognizing that we are more than all of those things. So please do not forget that there is nothing wrong with who you are and you are worth the world despite the endometriosis. - Amanda (team member)