When You Finally Find a Doctor Who Listens but Fear Creeps In
"This is too good to be true?" I thought to myself as I left my new gynecologist appointment. Have you ever had a thought or feeling like that after a really good appointment with a doctor?
Types of appointments where things seem to go smoothly don't happen all that often, especially in the endometriosis community.
Feeling anxious even if the appointment went well
If you have a good appointment, it is most likely you have been through at least thirty different doctors to get there. But yet, even when you have a caring doctor, that little bit of false hope can creep in.
Maybe it is because of how many times we were told to just take birth control and ibuprofen. Or because of how many times we were told to "just" get pregnant, like this was an easy task or an option available to everyone. Maybe because of how many times we were told "pain is normal".
The fact of the matter is, I have not been able to find many compassionate doctors out there that know about endometriosis and how to handle it properly. It is so frustrating to leave a really good appointment still feeling scared.
Scared that it would all come crashing down, or maybe you were dreaming it went well. But it shouldn't be this way.
We shouldn't feel scared every time we have a good appointment. We shouldn't have to wonder if our health is in good hands or if the doctor truly understands what we are asking them to help us with.
We certainly should not feel unworthy and deserving of finding a compassionate, caring doctor, ready and willing to help us. When I left my last appointment, I left the office with a smile and then started crying.
Some of my tears were tears of hope, while at the same time, parts of my tears were fear. The doctor I had seen was so compassionate, so caring, actually sat and took over an hour to chat with me, and wanted to figure out what the next steps were going to be.
Keep looking for a doctor that listens to you
He was the first doctor to see the pain in my eyes. Because of how other doctors have brought me down, I started not to feel worthy of his compassion and help.
I mean, this was something I was not used to. I think parts of me were ready to fight. When I didn't have to, I was confused.
Confused about if the doctor heard me and knew what I was talking about and asking for. Confused if I was being taken seriously or if he was just saying what I wanted to hear.
When I got home, I called my mom and discussed the whole appointment with her. The sound of hope in her voice made me realize that I really did find a caring doctor.
I found a doctor who truly had a plan and was ready to help me the best he could. You know what? I finally came to the realization I am worthy of finding a good doctor.
You deserve to feel validated on your endo journey
I am worthy of doing whatever I can to try and feel better. No matter how long the journey was to get here, I am here. My gut feeling feels like this doctor will be the one and will be my saving grace. At this very moment, I feel content because I fought for this and for this doctor to come into my life.
I advocated for myself, educated myself, and didn't give up even when I wanted to. Why am I sharing this?
I guess the reason I wanted to share this feeling with you is that I know I am not alone. I know many of you who do have a diagnosis already still have to fight with doctors.
Many of you that don't have a diagnosis yet, still have to fight with doctors. It's frustrating, scary, upsetting, and sure can put a lot of stress on you. Remember this one thing: You are worthy of finding a caring doctor. You are worthy of finding relief and proper treatment. You certainly are more than worthy to keep trying, fighting, and advocating for YOU.
If I could find a dream doctor, so can you, warrior. Don't ever stop fighting.
Don't let previous bad appointments and interactions keep you from continuing to search for help.
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