How I Felt When I Was Diagnosed With Endometriosis

I was diagnosed with endometriosis back in 2005. Sex had, very suddenly, become extremely painful, and although I didn't think too much of it, the pain wasn't going away.

What was wrong with me?

I went to the doctors and he explained that it could be a range of things, including an infection, an STD, an ectopic pregnancy, or endometriosis. This is the first time I had heard of endometriosis and I didn't have a clue as to what it was or what it entailed. I just assumed it was something that I could take some medicine for and it would go away. My doctor ran a series of tests, which all came back clear. It was a huge relief. But when I realized the next step was a referral to the hospital, I realized it wasn't going to be quite so simple.

After an exploratory laparoscopy, I was officially diagnosed with endometriosis. My diagnosis came around quite quickly really. Well, by quickly, I mean it only took a few months from me going to the doctor to being diagnosed. However, I had suffered with the symptoms of endometriosis since I was 12 years old. I had thought it was normal for periods to be really painful, heavy, and irregular, though.

A sudden isolation

Having not heard of the disease before, I didn't know what it really meant for me. The gynecologist who had diagnosed me didn't sound too concerned. He gave me a pamphlet which told me what endometriosis was and I was sent on my way.

Reading the pamphlet, one thing stood out from the rest and it was all I could focus on. Infertility. At this point, children were far from my 21 year old mind. In fact, I was firmly in the "ugh, no way am I having kids ever" camp! But, all of a sudden, it was all I could think of.

I suddenly felt so alone. Like me, no one around me had heard of endometriosis either and I didn't have this online community to turn to. I wasn't in a supportive relationship where I could talk about the future. I felt so lost and my mind was in overdrive.

Things seemed to quickly spiral out of control with regards to the symptoms. The pain alone was horrendous. I was put on to Zolodex which only sent me in to a deep depression. I would cry every day and looking back, it feels like I spent much of my 20's in that mindset. Alone, lost, and feeling worthless.

Looking back

Endometriosis is a scary prospect to face. I wish I could go back and tell that version of myself, that, albeit a long, arduous, messy journey, I eventually found everything I was looking for. I found the support I needed and I got the chance to be a mother.

And, to anyone who can relate to my story, the most important thing to remember, is that you are never alone with this disease. There's 176 million of us here, waiting to support you.