an image split in half showing a woman in one half pushing against a wall and the same woman sitting on the floor looking defeated in the other half

When You Feel Like You Are at A Dead End with Your Health

No matter what chronic illnesses we may be dealing with, getting to the bottom of things can be exhausting and constantly feel like a dead end. We may receive a diagnosis, but still be dealing with unknowns. Or, we may be fighting for an answer altogether. Either way, it is tiresome and can really take a toll on our mental health. Lately, I have been having a hard time. Since my excision surgery in December of 2019, I feel my quality of life has decreased. And that game of which specialist will help me find answers now has begun again.

Parts of me feel grateful. I do have a proper endometriosis diagnosis, a diagnosis so many other women are still struggling to receive. And I know the majority of the time my symptoms are related to endometriosis. But my severe bladder pressure and pain, nausea, and daily GI issues and pain are proving to me that something more is going on.

I know many don't understand why I would want something more to be wrong. Why wouldn't I just leave it at I have endometriosis? Why am I searching for something more? But I also know many, especially many reading this right now, can understand why I want more answers and explanations. I know my body. I know something more is wrong with it than what my excision doctor found during surgery.

But I never thought I would be back here, fighting for answers

Spending money on scans and procedures that continue to show and tell absolutely nothing relevant enough for doctors to take me seriously. A recent urologist appointment sent me down that tunnel of depression. To have a procedure done and hear the news "the doctor called your husband and told him you look just fine!", is heartbreaking. Something I know we all have experienced over and over. But this time, it really cut deep. My husband sees me in daily pain, yet here is my doctor telling him I am ok. And all though it has been years of my husband being told this by doctors, it never gets any easier. No matter how caring and understanding he tries to be. It's embarrassing.

So what do you do when you feel like giving up?

You shake those thoughts and you keep pushing on. That is truly the best answer and thing to do. It is something I have been doing all these years. I also find these few things to be helpful as well:

  • Chat with a friend.Preferably someone who knows what you are dealing with. Whether they have your specific illness or something other, they will always understand and be there to support you. They may even offer advice or something you hadn't thought of.
  • Research.Research what you think may be going on, gain knowledge about it, and then take it to your doctors. Fight with them until they hear you.
  • Grab a second, third, fourth opinion. However many you need until someone listens and is willing to really help you. I know for some this may be hard. You may live somewhere where doctors and specialists are limited. But check surrounding areas and travel if you can.
  • Do something that brings you joy. When my mental health is struggling, filling my days with things I love definitely helps. This can be yoga, music, a walk, a chat with a friend, reading a book. Whatever brings you joy, fill your day with that.
  • Diet. I know this one is frustrating. Trust me. But I find my mental health (and symptoms) to be more tolerable when I eliminate certain foods. (sugar, dairy, high carbs, gluten)
  • Get help. Sometimes, we truly just don't feel like pushing on anymore. When you start feeling this way, reach out to someone. Whether it be a hotline, therapist, someone you trust, talk to them. Don't ever feel ashamed to need help or to need to talk to someone.

Never give up. Keep on pushing forward.

No matter how hard it is, never give up. Keep fighting for answers. You have made it and fought through all of your hard days, and you will continue to do so. Even when you feel like giving up. Even when you feel you are at a dead end and don't want to fight anymore. KEEP GOING! Something I truly have to remind myself daily. Especially lately. Although I feel like I am at a dead end with my health, I am going to keep fighting. Because I am a warrior and that is what I do. With or without answers. 

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