What Is It Like To Not Have Periods Anymore?

I never expected to feel anything but joy when it came to my periods ending... But how I actually felt, came as a surprise.

The end of a long era

I never knew what a 'normal' period felt like. They were always difficult: Heavy. Irregular. Lengthy. Painful. Intermittent. Problematic.

I had so many embarrassing incidents over the years because of them. I bled during sex. I cried with the pain on the bathroom floor. I walked straight out of work because blood was pouring out of me. I stained seats at school. I ruined too many pairs of knickers to count. I bled on bedding. I bled through tampons and pads within minutes. I had holiday after holiday ruined because of them.

I tried to control them with numerous methods of birth control and GnRH analogues. I tried going contraceptive-free. I was exhausted with them, physically and mentally. And with them interfering with my other illnesses, I decided that enough was enough, and I underwent a total hysterectomy when I was 35.

Am I making a mistake?

I had my last period shortly before my surgery. It suddenly dawned on me that this would be the last ever period I would have. And it hit me. I actually felt sad!

My head began to spin with all the reasons why I didn't want them to end. No more periods meant the end of my fertility. I also have osteopenia (a precursor to osteoporosis) and I've always been very aware of how important periods are in terms of bone health. And on top of that, I was only 35. Was I too young for this? Didn't I want to be like everyone else my age?

Having a hysterectomy was already a massive decision to undertake, and that was before taking into account my endometriosis and what the best decision with regards to that was. Was I making the right decision?

After the surgery

One of my first outings post surgery was to the shops. Walking (gingerly) down the aisles, I turned to see the sanitary products and, surprisingly, I felt my gut wrench.

Stood looking at the pads and tampons, I felt sad and a million other emotions, all at once. How could I have such mixed emotions towards periods after everything I'd been through with them!? But there really was a part of me that felt like I'd made a mistake. I felt like I wanted my periods back!

Feelings settled

I still get those little pangs of nostalgia and could-have-been feelings now. I still feel silly for feeling that way.

But not having periods anymore is such a relief. I can wear what I like, lie down on the bed in whatever position I choose, I don't have to plan events or holidays around my cycle and think of how I'll be feeling... I could go on!

There is something very freeing in not being tied down to old mother nature anymore. And it's definitely a feeling I like.