The Panic A Flare Up Can Create

I've noticed recently that I've become quite anxious about my health, worrying when I feel a twinge that it will become something much worse. And when that pain does worsen, I've found a panic setting in.

Over the years, I've had countless flare ups, too many to count. Some have knocked me off my feet a little and meant I've had no choice in taking it easy for a couple of days. Some, however, have been so severe they've landed me in hospital. Sometimes I've seen them coming; the odd twinges here and there, feeling generally bogged under with it all, bleeding, etc. Others have taken me by total surprise and have come out of no where.

When pain becomes too much to handle

One of the most severe flares I've dealt with came at the beginning of this year. I went in to hospital in January, was sent home, then ended up back there in February. I was there for almost 3 weeks that time. It was the most frightening and lonely time of my life and the whole situation has really stayed with me.

I never expected to have to go in to hospital. Not the first time, and certainly not the second time when I had essentially been given the all-clear only a month beforehand. I had continued to deal with issues during this time and there were moments where I thought I would be going back in, but it still took me by surprise.

When I feel pain starting, I start from the bottom of my treatment list and work my way up. My basic starting point is acetaminophen, my heatpad, and a good rest. If this doesn't work, and I know pretty soon when it isn't, then I take some codeine. If that, again, doesn't work, that's when I take another codeine and my TENs machine comes out. But, if I have to make my way through this list at a fast pace, that's when the panic starts. If nothing is working, if the tablets don't kick in, that's when I know it's going to hit me hard and I'll end up screaming with the pain in the back of an ambulance.

Endometriosis is unpredictable

Some people might say that's a little dramatic and maybe tell me to calm down. But when you've been there before, it all comes flooding back during these moments. It's pure fear and is so very frightening. I've been back at this point so many times this year and I know I will be heading back to the hospital eventually. Even if that is years away, sadly, it's a given.

If I've learnt anything from living with endometriosis, it's that it's completely unpredictable. And that can leave you feeling very uneasy about things. Not knowing if pains will die down or if they will ramp up to the point where you just cannot take it any longer. It can happen so quickly that you don't have time to think straight. And I'm fairly certain that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

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