It's Okay to be Angry
“You’re a hero”, I’ve been told. “You’ve endured so much pain. I don’t know how you do it.”
We're no heroes
They are wrong. I’m not a hero. I’m just a person who’s been cursed with endometriosis. Enduring the pain wasn’t a choice, it was forced upon me. And trust me, I’d much rather be without this disease, as would anyone who has endometriosis. Heroes go into quests willingly, their eyes open and their hearts set on whatever goal they want to achieve. I am a victim of endometriosis.
I've been very angry
For a long time throughout my thirty years of suffering from endometriosis, I’ve felt angry. Angry that this happened to me. Angry at my body for letting me down. Angry at the doctors for failing to diagnose me time and time again. I can still taste that anger, even though my symptoms are much better controlled right now.
I’ve also been angry with the countless men - and women - who didn’t believe the amount of pain I was in. Who told me "I must just be imagining it". Friends who huffed when I told them once again that I couldn’t come out with them because I had a flare-up. Family members who proudly proclaimed that their periods weren’t so bad at all and surely mine can’t be as bad as I say.
Don't stay angry
I don’t recommend staying angry. Anger can take over your soul and destroy your life if you let it. But that doesn’t mean that we just have to take all the injustices done to us by endometriosis like some martyr. We’re not martyrs suffering pain out of a sense of conviction. We’re unwilling victims and sometimes we get very fed up with everything.
It’s okay to be angry. Endometriosis sucks. It’s horrible and I wouldn’t want to wish it on my worst enemy. Add to that the patronizing attitude of most doctors and you have yourself the perfect recipe for a rage storm. I used to try and be calm, patient, and forbearing. All good qualities, don’t get me wrong. We can’t spend our lives in anger, but we don’t need to bottle it up either.
Use your anger productively
I think that if our friends and family saw a bit more of the anger, they’d understand our struggle better. And sometimes it’s good to let the anger out. I wish I had let it out at the doctor’s all those times they told me that I was just imagining things. I think I would have got a diagnosis much sooner. Or when my colleagues sighed and rolled their eyes when I had to take another sick day because the pain was so bad I could hardly move. Maybe they’d have understood the seriousness of the disease.
So let your anger out (in appropriate ways). Show the world how fed up you are with being in pain all the time. Shout it from the rooftops that endometriosis is ruining your life. Write to whatever lawmaker can help push funding for endometriosis research. Because if we don’t use our anger for good, nothing will change and it will just fester at our hearts.
Has insurance ever slowed or stopped your endometriosis healthcare journey?